


when the star fade

by keijionigiri



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abandonment, Fade Spirits, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Past Lives, The Fault in Our Stars References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijionigiri/pseuds/keijionigiri
Summary: At the age of 18,teenagers would get their own personal guardian angel. So this is when all of the vision and memories they saw in their lifetime became colourful as ever.And even akaashi didnt believe in protection. He still believe the fact he might could live like what he expect to be,For once.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A guardian angel AU i made for fun,which i don't know specifically if this even good to be read. 
> 
> I dont even understand my own writing concept,so i'm really sorry if this doesn't make sense. Thank you for reading !

At the night before his birthday,akaashi laid his fragile body to his bed. Thinking whether he should sleep or stay awake waiting for his guardian angel to showing themself off in front of him. 

The atmosphere was freezing. But Still,akaashi could feel some warmth surrounding him. It's raining outside which made him feel safe and relaxed.

He watch minutes after minutes pass by. The clock he been staring off since the begining of these night became much more like a lullaby than a distraction. The music he's been playing for 3 hours by now made the room feel a bit much more better than how empty it looks.

He doesnt remember anything before,the only thing he remember at these past seconds are just, _will they believe in me?_

the stupid question reply it own self in his mind,making him lose his focus on the clock he been staring off. He could feel his body start to drown him to his sleep,even afterall it's no use. His eyes are still awake and his minds never shut their thoughts off.

**12.00**

When the clock stop at that number he been waiting for in the begining,Akaashi could finally let his own mind rest and let all of his own leftover energy he had to lead him to what he would react at this night. 

so when his eyes start to get blurry. a small light came above from the sky of his room,it doesn't look bright or what so ever. The only thing he could saw are just white blurry wings and a soul that shine.

In that time,he couldn't let anything distract him from falling asleep. He doesnt regret anything even if the only thing he could saw are just something that barely worth the price of living.

* * *

"ehhh you woke up!"

A deep voice could be hear by akaashi small ears. It's 9 am in the morning,his eyes are still weak and tired as ever. He doesnt understand what ever happen just now. He doesnt knew about who's voice he just heard before. 

He could saw and feel himself wrapped in his blanket which made him feel much more warm than before. And The only memory he had left are just that night where he fell asleep before even saw his guardian angel.

He start to get his energy back from his deep sleep and start to get himself up from his sleeping position.

He look at his right side of his bed. His eyes are getting widen as ever when he saw, a halo and shining wings around a soul that he never even met before. His eyes have a pretty yellow shade,his hair remember him of an owl.

"...angel??"

The only thing came from his mouth after everything he saw are just a whole pure thoughts that came from his mind. The angel who sit on akaashi desk chair looking at him straight in his eyes concerning about what did he just said just now.

"eh-uh??oh! I'm bokuto kotaro,nice to meet you!"

"i'm your guardian angel hehe"

he show akaashi his wide smile in his face as a small greeting. Knowing how akaashi still look concern about his appearence here,he let him drink the water beside his lamp that bokuto brought from the kitchen before akaashi woke up.

"uh..yeah,i'm akaashi keiji and sorry for being concern about your appearence,bokuto?"

Akaashi bed hair made bokuto laugh. It looks ridiculous. Which akaashi get concern about what he been laughing about since the begining.

Akaashi open his phone when many notification popped from his friend and family,wishing him a happy birthday in front of the lockscreen of his phone. Bokuto could see a soft red crimson colour appear in his face and under his beautiful eyes.

" 'kaashi-kun,why are you blushing?"

"eh- i mean it's nothing..also- "

"oh yeah! Happy birthday hehe" , bokuto forgot to wish him happy birthday before he greet him with his own shining soul. Followed by a giggle from bokuto who though how stupid he was to forgot his 'friend' birthday.

"thank you..bokuto"

A small smile came from akaashi face with a blushing pink cheeks that have the same colour as the package of strawberry pocky beside his lamp.

Knowing that he's blushing and act out of his line, he quickly went to the bathroom. 

He use the warm water at the sink and a face cleanser to wash his face. He could feel himself still blushing over what just happen before. Some birthday wishes are enough for making him happy or even greatful,for once.

Bokuto hide behind the door of the bathroom while looking over akaashi who's now brushing his teeth while checking the phone. Waiting for akaashi outside are pretty boring for him,since it took long enough for akaashi to brush his teeth without getting distracted from the notification on his lockscreen.

"sorry if you're waiting..also, thank you for bringing the water and wrapped me in the blanket last night..i feel warm" . Said akaashi who's now beside him, in their way downstairs. Akaashi warm tone made bokuto feel apreciatted,even if he only do something bare minimum for him,even if you could say, an ordinary people could do it _so why would you be thankful for that?_

akaashi parents aren't always around,even sometimes akaashi might stay by himself in his wide house for 2 months without his parents around. Which bokuto rarely or even never experienced about in his past life.

"for 2 weeks again? huh..??"

"ah nevermind let's just made some breakfast shall we?"

Bokuto couldn't really respond to akaashi who's talking to himself by now. But he did respond by some small nod which doesn't even get notice by akaashi who's searching for the ingredients in the cupboard.

Bokuto went beside him,helping him to prepare the pan,knife,plates and other stuff as well. He could touch things or even live as a normal human without those shining halo and wide angelic wings,but he only could be saw by the human they're with.

Akaashi doesn't really mind or even concern if an angel trying to help him preparing breakfast for him. The only thing he confuse about are just the fact that this angel he requited with are the exact opposite of who he is. Smiling widely without any other meanings that should be open one by one,hiding his own feelings even forgot about what does that mean,and many others. _Why he's so bright to a stranger like me?_

Akaashi seems to lose his focus. Bokuto knew and realize it. So he let his light cold hands touch him,to get his focus back.

"sorry.."

"no worries 'kaashi-kun hehe,so what are we making now? I already prepare some things you might need here!"

"it's fine and just call me akaashi. Uh,maybe apple pie??"

Akaashi is pretty worried about his own decision. It's the first time for him making pie without his mother consent. He knew the recipe and all of those thing he need. He just want everything goes well without him overthinking about his choices.

"yes! Let's do it akaashii! It would be fun,i promise! It's also your special day isn't it?"

It seems bokuto knew what akaashi was thinking. He might be not the best at comforting,but he knew exactly what he was thinking.

"in my past life i always have made apple pie for my birthday ,it never failed actually. So i trust that it would be suceed!"

"well uh- yeah,maybe we could do that?"

"it's fine akaashii,i could help you with these!"

Akaashi doesn't really know about this. But he did trust bokuto that everything would go as what they both expect. He also could feel much more relieve than before.

* * *

"akaashi here! You could try it!"

2 in a half hour have past after the last time akaashi feel unconscious about his feelings and The pie they both made together is already been bake and it's ready to be serve. Akaashi could smell the sweet taste of the apple. He really love it. It always seems so nostalgic for both of them. Especially bokuto face show every single word he want to say to akaashi. But it never could be said by his own mouth.

bokuto could be seen smiling over the pie they both just made while akaashi testing the taste of it in a small pastry plate. He couldn't really explain the taste of it. The only thing he could feel now are just a warm taste he would rarely feel in his childhood. It's comforting.

Bokuto light off a caramel fragrant candle beside him so akaashi could feel some sort of comfort that surround him on his special day. The snow outside the window also decorate this special day. everything is perfect. The warm of the candle,the taste of the pie,and a pure happy smile from both of them. 

"thank you bokuto"

"for what?"

"i dont know either ahaha,just thankful that i could feel comfort again even after all this time"

Akaashi gave a small giggle,followed by bokuto small laugh. Akaashi have already finish 3 of the slices on 10 minutes which bokuto considered to be fast since how 1 slice is pretty big.

a sudden question pop in his head. and without thinking twice,he went to ask to bokuto about it for his own curious sake.

"bokuto,could you like eat..?? I mean i know this sound so hillarious but-"

"well i could i actually..but all of this are for you actually, it's your special days anyways. I dont want to-"

He became distracted on continuing his sentence after seeing Akaashi put a pastry plate and small fork in front of him and put 1 slice of the pie in it, with a cup full of jasmine tea he just pour on.

"well i mean uh.."

"no it's fine bokuto,you could eat it."

bokuto stares at it for a while. He doesn't knew how to react. So he pick up the fork as he try to eat half of the cut of it. 

"so how does it taste?"

Bokuto gave a small smile to akaashi And a single nod as an agreement that this pie are just amazing on it's own. _it feel's so nostalgic,i love it. So thank you._

* * *

1 in a half month after akaashi birthday and their first meeting. Days change. The mood and the atmosphere also change repeatedly. And one of the most important change after all,are just a small space between their both feelings. It's not something that could be considered as an affection or anything. It also couldn't be considered as attraction. 

_I feel safe._

that's the only word that could describe what akaashi was feeling.

"akaashi,you have already watch this movie at least 3 times already?? Aren't you bored yet?"

akaashi lose his focus after what bokuto said just now. He went to see bokuto who's now looking at akaashi laptop screen, He looks bored and restrained.

"the main character are so stupid..it made my blood boil honestly.."

"i though you're as stupid as he is ahahha"

A laugh escape from akaashi mouth. A joke he made isn't even funny in the first place so he knew if it would made bokuto got pissed off or even annoyed. but the exact opposite reaction appeared from bokuto face. He followed akaashi laugh with his silent giggle's. Which akaashi doesnt even expect to appeared when the time he got sarcastic or even joking.

"you have a really bad humor akaashi ahahaha"

"oh shut up" , akaashi replied with a small laughter that almost never appears when bokuto isn't around. These days are getting better and better. It never feel as blunt as before.

"let's just watch another movie,i actually feel bored seeing people stupidity over and over you know.."

Akaashi went to his file storage,searching new movie they could watch together. He have download many movies before. Especially those movie with sad ending and hopeful meaning behind it.

**_the fault in our star._ **

"lets watch this shall we?"

"if you want to..but totally,yes!"

It's 5.30 pm,the sky are getting darker. The atmosphere became colder and much more quiet than before, A whole perfect moment to watch this heartwarming emotional movie. The opening sound start to surround the room. Both of those shining emerald and golden eyes stares at the laptop screen . Waiting for the movie to start after all of this production credits past.

* * *

"bokuto you're crying"

After several of hours have past,they're already in the end of the movie. Bokuto tears shed down to akaashi clothes. Akaashi notice it,even if he couldn't feel any sort of wet spot in his clothes. Watching this for the second time still feel painful for akaashi. He doesn't cry or anything,but his eyes show some emotion he couldn't really describe.

"teenage love life,pathetic ahaha"

bokuto laugh on his own word. He doesn't really sure what the actuall meaning behind his own word either,but he did knew what he actually want to say in the begining. He fell to akaashi shoulder. It feels so light even for akaashi to feel someone is on his shoulder. 

"hey,thank you for making me feel like a human again in these past weeks"

After the tears from the movie drop. His eyes start to glaze again after he realized how akaashi treat him like somewhat a human being. His yellow eyes shine at those screens which now turn into those boring movie credits and implied backsound from the original movie. It fill the room with a mixed feelings.

"..the movie we just watch remind me of how beautiful life could be"

"i wish i was still alive"

his tears start to drop by his right eyes. His smile are shining. It feels like he is smiling over his own scars. The word bokuto has said made a slightest comfort to akaashi own self.

The snow start to fall down outside while bokuto tears shed down to invisible pieces. The silence surround them make the light from the lamp shine brightly than before. It also made bokuto feel much more tired than before. Which made him fall asleep in akaashi shoulder.

Akaashi could feel a warm comfort surrounding him after bokuto fell asleep. The cold atmosphere couldn't be feel anymore. The snow made a show in front of his eyes. 

"you're always been alive,bokuto"

He slowly set the candle fragrant beside him so bokuto wouldn't be awake. so many thoughs came by to his mind when the smell of it became stronger. The smell of the candle made the night even better. The movie credits who have end became a past memory for them. Akaashi heartbeat became bokuto lullaby. And the humm's bokuto hear in his sleep,became the backsound of his own dream.

* * *

**17 January**

[ mother ] 07.43 a.m

keiji-kun,sorry we couldn't go back home today. Your father has some sudden issues. We Will be back soon.

[ mother ] 07.45 a.m

dont forget to eat,okay? Have a nice day,dear.

The notification that has been ringing 2 times now awake akaashi. The nice dream he had got distracted by those notification that he had received.

[ akaashi ] 07.48 a.m

...okay then. have a great day too mom,see you soon i guess?

He's eyes are still tired as ever. His hair are a mess. He went to the bathroom to wash his face and checking the other notification he had received last night. Bokuto isn't around which akaashi just realize after he finish his morning routine.

He still doesn't really understand the concept of these guardian angel and stuff. But he knew that the one who assigned to be with him,are the one that actually supposed to be with him. Everytime akaashi is around bokuto,he could feel a safe feeling. He rarely show his wings and halo,he rather show his own true self without those additional he got because he was a guardian angel. Even afterall,it doesn't change the fact that bokuto was actually meant to protect akaashi. He didn't supposed to be assigned for love and relation. He's an old soul and akaashi is a living human.

Bokuto knew what akaashi actually is. That one part of akaashi those never knew have already became an evidence of how close they are.

_We're just close if i label and you're just an old memory. So why do i feel like i fell for you?_

those slight word came across akaashi mind while he was in his way to the living room. He doesn't knew what he was expect to think before hand.

He could smell a cooked food in his way to the living room. It smells sweet and warm. 

"Akaashi! You're awake,Goodmorning!"

A warm smile appeared on bokuto face who just went to the living room to prepared a breakfast he made for akaashi. He doesn't know in the begining that akaashi would wake up much more early than he used to. He sat at the sofa with A pancake in a fancy plate with some slices of banana and honey as a topping in front of him that made his eyes shine. It could be view as a _'im excited to eat it'_ or _'this would be amazing'_ , there's no in between.

Akaashi turn on the television in front of him while eating the breakfast bokuto made for him. Some news showed up in those wide screen,even if there's nothing important for him to saw at that day. He open the can of the cookies in the coffee table beside him that bokuto and his own self have ever made 1 week ago. It still smells sweet and warm. He doesn't really pay attention to what's happening on the news instead he read the daily newspaper in the table in front of him.

Bokuto went aside akaashi after he clean every of the dishes and the pan he used to make the breakfast for akaashi. He brought a hot jasmine tea for him and akaashi. He though it would be a great drink to be served at these cold winter days.

"akaashi,remember yesterday when were watching that movie on your laptop?"

"mhmm yeahh what's up with that???"

"you know..i like it when they actually met each other in the present instead in the future.." , bokuto eyes went to akaashi eyes which still staring over those old grey newspaper.

"..it's sound so random isn't it? But i love how they met in the most randomest time and i love how they fell for each other at the same life,at the same time."

Akaashi never really have been concern in his whole life about what's the meaning behind every word bokuto said earlier. He doesn't have the courage to actually stares at his yellow golden eyes,which he considered to be as stunning and beautiful as the moon in those cold dark night.

So he said every sentences and question in his mind.

"tell me about your past life , kotaro"

Bokuto doesn't really know how to react over akaashi question. He doesn't eveb understand what's the meaning behind the question akaashi ask. He kept a small smile in his face as he start to exhale his deep breath and start to answer the question.

" i was born in tokyo , as someone who have so many flaws. Or as you might could say, an ordinary human being. "

" i was diagnosed with a clump of cancer cells in my brain when i was 16 year old,7 months before my 17 birthday "

" i have so many things i love and left behind. My family , the apple pie that my mom has always made in the morning and volleyball."

" but the one i regret the most for leaving my body and the world after 17 year of living is the fact i haven't find my soulmates in the present"

"isn't that unfair hahaha ?"

Bokuto eyes glaze. The laugh he made before show how much he want to hide his own feeling from akaashi. He try to hold his tears back but every thing he have done to hide it just fell apart. The tears from his eyes start to drop one by one to the matress in akaashi living room.

Akaashi quickly put the plate and newspaper away as he soon realize bokuto is sobbing. He went beside him letting his head rest in his shoulder.

"what do you think of love ?"

a comfort question came to akaashi mind as he tell it by the words that came from his mouth. He doesn't knew at first if it count as 'comfort' or just ruttless question at first. But yet,he still let it out.

"when you feel safe,affectionate,comforted or even just the word itself,you feel loved...i like that feeling.."

Bokuto words start to crack in the end. It's just straight up pure as what he wanted to say what in his mind. Every emotion he want to told akaashi about could be hear in the crack of his word.

"guardian angels are pathetic..love are just a curse for us..if we fell in love we would die and fade away as in the fact we got no chance to be reincarnated as a human in our future life.."

"i-i dont like that..i want to fell in love..i-i want to be there for him..i want to say i love you to him..i-i just ahhh fuck.."

silent surrounding them after the last word he said.

"..i want to live as a dead soul for him."

"i want him to feel...loved"

A salty feeling surround akaashi. It's a mixture of both happy feelings and that mad feeling you couldn't express. But in this time,he could feel someone trying to tell him something. Realizing his first ever own realization of him about his feeling at that day makes him concerned about all of this that happened just now.

Akaashi doesn't have his own reason to actually treat bokuto as a human being. Well even if he do,would it be make sense? The Televisions sound surrounding them and the cold atmosphere that became closer to each other bones,make both of them could realize how warm tensions always surround them when they were together.

"tell me you're last wishes in your past life" , akaashi made a word after bokuto last sentences. He said this on a sudden which bokuto think it's confusing at first.

"later..the time wouldn't end here anyways"

A laugh crack on bokuto mouth after he said those blank meaningful sentences. He laugh as like he forgot what just happened a few minutes ago. Akaashi on the other hands,let his face tell everything,it could be describe as searching for an answer face. 

* * *

Been a while since the last time akaashi went out from his house. The park that he always visit with his parents when they're home never felt so nostalgic than before. The clear river that was full of those koi fish never failed to make him impressed. All of this reminds him of his young self.

Bokuto went to see the fountain behind the river,leaving akaashi alone with those koi who decorates his eyes for a whole minutes now. Walking down with his human form outside of akaashi house feels a little bit weird for him. Akaashi clothes feels much more comfortable than his death clothes that he wear every single day as a guardian angel. The shoes akaashi gave for bokuto to wear that doesnt make sense for him also make his walk a bit concerning for people to see. _you look like you have a broken leg kotaro_ , thats how akaashi though of it before. But at least,he could feel like a human for once isnt it?

"kotaro dont leave me here alone! I hate those old people that judging me all of these past seconds when i was just staring at those pretty fish" , a sudden voice came from akaashi who's now already beside bokuto.

Akaashi approached him when he was in his half way to the fountain he was searching for. Bokuto looks confused yet happy when he saw him already beside him.

"a koi fish enthusiast just followed me when i was in my way to the normal fountain??!!" , teasing akaashi with his word

"oh shut up kou.."

The fountain bokuto has search arent that special or anything. It's just perfect for something that he have planned before he went here. Bokuto hold akaashi hands in their way to the fountain knowing how the sky are getting darker and the cold became much more sharper than before. 

"keep your hands with me,i dont want you to get lost here.." , bokuto half jokingly teasing him over how akaashi hold his hands much more tightly than before.

"you think i'm a child? , akaashi slowly start to get pissed off over the word bokuto has said, even though at the same time,he though it was funny how bokuto could actually understand his humor.

_Well kou..afterall,holding your hands made me feel warm_

A fountain surrounded by lanterns , the dark sky , old tall trees are just magical for akaaashi. The mixture of cold and warm make him feel like he's stuck in his own expectation. He let his body fall to the ground that was fill with the snow. As now he could felt himself drown into the cold instead of the warm.

"hey,don't just fall to the cold,here dance with me, let's be free for once"

Bokuto pull akaashi with his hands so akaashi could stand up. Holding bokuto hands does make him feel warm. Even after he drown himself to the cold. Standing up closer with his soul just make him feel safe and protected. _It feels like your hallucinating but you must admit it how his warm soul just felt like a home for you to live in._ Bokuto let his arm surround akaashi wrist and let akaashi came closer to him. A wide smile slowly make an appearence in their faces.

The water that drops from the fountains fill their night. The lights from the lantern made their eyes seen as like the brightest start in universe. The snow start to fall down,as they dance slowly to the rhytym of the water that drop on the fountain. The wind also made the tree dance,as like the tree was the audience of their performance.

"you suck at this kou.."

"said from the ones who couldn't dance in beat"

Bokuto laugh out over akaashi joke. He think it was funny how akaashi said that when he,himself couldn't even dance in beat with him. The stars could be seen above all of those big trees,filling the dark sky with thousand of shining decoration. The night became much more beautiful at each past seconds,nothing could made feel better than standing next to each other,slow dancing,enjoying their life.

_I dont know what i'm feeling about you,but i think i fell for you kotaro._

* * *

Weeks have past after the last time they went out together in that old local park. The cold still surrounding the atmosphere of the days. The classical music akaashi always have played made some throwback memories of them slow dancing. Bokuto sometimes teased akaashi on how off beat he is when it came to dancing. Well even though he suck at it ,bokuto actually loved how akaashi smile appeared when they both enjoying that dance and their life at that night.

"kotaro,let's watch something"

"the fault in our star!"

"no???" , akaashi teasingly tell bokuto about his approval on watching the same movie over over for 3 times already at these past weeks. Akaashi wasn't actually bored of the movie bokuto always want to watch ,he just want some new topic he could actually enjoy,as much as he enjoy romance and thriller.

"i dont know any..but please,let's watch it for the last time okay? I promise i will bake you another cookies again! " , bokuto begging akaashi with his own promise made akaashi laugh.

"kou it's fine i was just joking,let's just watch it again i dont know any good movies to watch either..but-" , akaashi smirk at bokuto who's smile was widen as ever.

"let's bake cookies tomorrow okay?" . giggle's Escape from bokuto who agreed akaashi promises.

2 hours have been waste just for this movie to be watch repeatly by the same people. For bokuto,it actually was entertaining or maybe hopeful for him. Akaashi doesn't knew what so special about this movie. There's no way that bokuto was this obssesed with tragic love story isn't it?

"hey,kou. you're still obssesed with their love story?"

"kind of if you might say..i want to met him in the future of my hopeless reincarnation. I also want this story to represent my old love for him." , bokuto gaving an answer that akaashi would expect and didnt expect at the same time, even Leaving akaashi with his mouth open as a reply over bokuto answer.

"so who is he?"

"you will know it later" , bokuto answer followed by his suspcious giggle's that akaashi wouldn't even know in the first place if that was meant to be there. Knowing every answer to every question he ask to bokuto became one of his dream. He wants to explore it,every meaning behind all of it or even the question itself. It's just interesting afterall.

_Kotaro,hope you realize that now i think i fell for you._

Akaashi reach out his hands to take the old instax films beside him. Even though it's been a while for him to use that old instax films that his parents have gave 1 year ago,he still think as it was just a new gift his parents have gave. It feels just so new for him to actually use it.

"kotaro,here,let's make some memories together with this camera"

He drag bokuto who's concerned about what akaashi was doing to his side. He look straight up to the camera akaashi hold with his awkward smile that turn out to a laugh in no time. It wasn't expected at first that the lights became flashier when it was clicked. Both of them didn't expect it to appeared like that,which they found it hillarious.

"keiji! The photo went out!"

"eh- wait wait" , akaashi panicked out when bokuto poin out the picture who almost fell to the ground. He hold it while waiting for the picture to came out later.

"woahhh i'm in the picture! I look great am i keiji??"

"no you're not,kotaro hahaha" , teasing bokuto over his self confidence. Bokuto knew how his humor are worst than his . But still,he decide to laugh out of it. 

Akaashi write some sort of quotes in the bottom of the polaroid which he hide from bokuto glaze . Bokuto was actually curious about what he wrote before,but still he decide to keep the question for himself so akaashi wouldn't just get panicked when he knew he was writing something.

The stars could be seen outside the window. It made akaashi got distracted on how the colours or even the atmosphere remind him of bokuto. So at one poin,he decide to draw a little star beside the polaroid as a decoration.

_nature reminds me of you,kou._

* * *

08.58 a.m , the next day.

akaaashi woke up after hearing bokuto little humm's from the stairs, It caught his ears. It also could be feel as a lullaby that would woke you up slowly. It doesn't disturb your sleep or anything,it would just make you cameback to the reality you in. He quickly went downstair after the humm's he heard dissappeared as he realized some smells that are pretty simmiliar to how cookies actually smells.

Bokuto have just finish the baking process of the cookies. He only went upstairs to check akaashi room who was silently quiet just before some running noises could be heard at the stairs.

"keiji you already woke up! Goodmorning hahaha"

a smile appeared in his face while seeing akaashi messy hair and bed face which looks tired and restrained.akaashi went to see the cookies that was in a small jar bokuto put. He could smell the warm and sweet of it which made him excited on testing it

Akaashi went to the couch,with his hands that were full of the glass of milk that he took before and the jar of cookies he will eat soon as a light snacks. He wasn't paying attention on other things around him except the cookies he crave since last night.

"kotaro..i'm still sleepy but..the cookies you made..are tasty..so i couldn't refuse myself to stay awake.."

Bokuto giggles made the room warmer than before. It also made a small smile in akaashi face appeared.

"also can we talk in the evening?" , a shaky voice tone came from bokuto mouth. Which made akaashi kind of confused,but he refuse to ask about what happened or even what's the meaning behind those word. He gave a single nod,refuse to open his mouth so his own though wouldn't get exposed.

He read one of the fictional book in front of him while eating the cookies. He put the blanket beside him above his body so he could feel warmer when bokuto isn't around. 

"..a sign of warm is always her and always have be,said the boy..." , talking about the line of the book that made him curious about this boy and this girl relationship. He's eyes widen as soon he continued to read the paragraph. The cookies that he have start to eaten few minutes go,almost half finished.

He checked his unopened phone for a while before he continue to read the book. Well as he expect,the only notification that came from his phone are just his mother new text message notification.

[ mother ] 09.48 a.m

keiji-kun,mother will be back tonight. Glad that we could be reunited After this long trip.

[ akaashi ] 09.51 a.m

yeah..glad to know. How about father? Is he coming back soon?

[ mother ] 09.53 a.m

sorry dear,father have some issues with his work. He will be back later. I'm sure he will be back much more earlier!

[ mother ] 09.54 a.m

Alright then,i have to go. Take care of yourself,see you ;)

if he got to be honest. He doesn't really care about his parents. Even After 18 years of living,he always left empty with some piece of word his parents been given him since the begining of his life. Except when bokuto was here,he could feel some affection he never felt before. The ciggarattes he left behind for a healthy life are all for his own self and bokuto only. 

_He's a home and the brightest star that shine on your darkest night._

[ akaashi ] 09.59 a.m

okay then..

Akaashi left his phone In front of the coffee table Beside the jar of cookies he have eaten on these past minutes. The emotion he feel After he answered those text are complicated. He doesnt knew how to feel about his relation with his parents or even a single reaction to the fact that his mother Will cameback home tonight. He feel numb,he wanted to scream over every thoughs in his head now.

His glazing eyes became a pieces of mirror that are waiting to be broke. He doesnt like this feelings he hated it.

"keiji? are you okay?" , a voice came behind the couch as it approach akaashi ears.

Bokuto came beside him,sitting in front of him,waiting for akaashi to let a single word came out from his mouth. He knew akaashi is onto something. He could feel his glazing eyes start to approach his light shoulder.

"d-dont leave me,please." , a trembling voice came from akaashi mouth. While he laid in bokuto light shoulder figure. It feels so warm yet far. Bokuto wipe his tears with his light hands that barely could be feel by akaashi,but for him,it's everything he could ask for.

_how could someone feel like a home than their own family?_

* * *

Evening came by, the wind of the cold went in to his house by the left-opened window in his room. The classical music playlist that have been playing around for the least 2 hour never get boring for akaashi. The book he have start to read last morning are almost finished,it feels weird how quick he finish it. Same with the cookies,he almost finish all of the 2 of the jars of it today.

everything feels normal for him ,but still. Bokuto became really quiet this morning,which left him confused and concern about what he will said. 

"hey..can i say it now?" , a word came from bokuto who's sitting in akaashi desk chair after he wrote several of letters that he been hiding from akaashi past these nights.

"sure i guess?" , akaashi heartbeat became really fast than before. thousand of thoughs came to his mind even at the end it would dissapear as like the rain which dissapear in sudden.

a space of silence surrounding them,waiting for bokuto words to came by from his own mouth.

"keiji..i'm sorry. I-i love you.." , a crack trembling voice came out from bokuto mouth. Akaashi eyes widen after he heard those sentences,his eyes turn their way to see bokuto who's standing behind him.

"no-no fuck..why..why???" , a terrified cold eyes saw bokuto hands who's now slowly fading away as like a dust. Akaashi took out the blanket quickly,approaching bokuto who let his hands widen before it all fade.

and in time,he could hugged him before those light hands of his fade. It feels so warm. An unexpected tears came from bokuto eyes,leaving a fading shadow on akaashi jacket.

akaashi try to hugged him tightly once again before everything that he hold now became an only memory of him slowly dying. Akaashi tears are all over his face,it drops one by one and never stopped.

"..it's always been you akaashi keiji"

"..t-thank you"

akaashi couldn't say any single word. Until all of bokuto part of body became a dust that slowly wiped by the wind that went in to his house. It feels like he was just here a minute ago,it feels like he was touching someone a few moments ago. 

"but why he must go?"

He doesnt knew what he had to do,he look at his bare empty hands that hugged bokuto,it feels so light and cold. He looked around him. It feels so empty and quiet. It feels so heavy to stand up,even if he try he fell back repeatly. His hands reach out to his desk,not knowing the letters that have been written by bokuto will fell to the ground.

As it fell to the ground he went to pick up one of it and ripped it down so he could read it. He though it resembles bokuto the most. By the envelope or even by the sign. It reminds him of his appearence.

so he read it loudly in his room with his trembling and cracking voice,even after knowing it was a bad choice.

**_dear. Akaashi keiji._ **

dear you who's reading this. Akaashi Keiji. So this is our last memory of each other? Well at least i think so ahaha. I'm glad that i could actually met you at the end. I dont regret anything and always have be. I still remember how you looked when i first met you,i also still remember how your beautiful eyes shine every time your smile appeared. Oh gosh,if i could at least spend my last day in that hospital with you,maybe i could at least say i had a happy life. My last wishes was simple at that day what i think the most and i regret the most are just i wish i was actually alive at that time. So thank you for making my last wishes on my past life to be as what i expect to. Thank you for making me feel like i'm actually alive. Cause maybe,if i wasn't with you,i will still feel like i'm dying even if i could label myself as a guardian angel.

So maybe if this was the end of everything. Forget about me and love them. Those eyes of yours are for those who deserve it,or maybe as we could say i'm actually one of them. Smile for them and for yourself. be alive. I'll met you again. And for this,as a goodbye as a confession,i love you.

Sincerely ,

bokuto kotaro 

The tears that drop from his eyes dropped to the sheets of the letter. The sharp wind and the silence,surrounding him for a good 5 minutes. He wrap the letter in the same envelope and took it outside the balcony with him. He opened the pack of the ciggaretes he never used for about a month after he met bokuto. It still feels oddly familliar for him.

The smokes of the ciggaretes he used surrounding his dark night. The car that were passing by in front of him made him feel like he wasn't alone. So After he enjoyed the ciggaretes , He light up the match He used for his ciggaretes and burn Half of the envelope and the letter.

"so this is when the star fade isn't it?"


	2. The way of the end

**_you'll live forever tonight_ **

_\- introduction to the snow_

* * *

I never been much more happy than before. Living my present life. Forgetting on living my past life. And maybe in a chance of meeting them again. My own person. My soulmate. It wasn't that beautiful or even that pathetic. It feels weirdly normal.

The courtroom was noisy. Full of new person that i never met before. walking around , talking to each other , ignoring those who's now cleaning the room. It just completely feel like a normal public places after all. Well maybe accident would came,but i completely have no hope for any of those.

He came to me. Full of sweats,confused face,a completely "normal" self if he might say.

"hey akashi-kun..help me practice my spike will you? It will be short i promise!"

_Oh it's him,bokuto koutaro._

"it's akaashi and sure..?"

a voice full of happiness that never could be describe,are the voice of him.

His hair remined me of a horned owl. His smile that appeared just now,are the brightest star that have ever appeared in my life. Well meeting him feels like something that i never knew would made me impressed. And meeting him feels like you have just met your own stars. The star that would bright your pale night,with the best light.

So after a while continuing my hours with him. My leg crumbled,my sweats start to shed to floor and i'm out of breath. Gosh is this what you called short? But why did he look so happy? Did i do anything stupid? Or did he enjoy his time without feeling this way? God. Just tell me the answer already,why is this man smiling? And why did he look like he just had the best hour of his life?

Cause i never knew someone could actually smile when they spend their time with me. Am i that humorous? Am i good enough? Ah fuck,i dont know. 

"Your toss are the best!"

He yell out those word without any hesistant. He actually meant it isn't he? The smile of his face became much more wide than before. Oh gosh,is this the star that they have been talking about in my past life?

But at the end i know. He's a pure soul that live as a memory of mine. And a reincarnation of someone i lost. It's him and always have be.

And i though maybe i found him or maybe he found me. So when i light the match to my ciggaretes outside the courtroom while waiting for him ,i realized that he doesn't remember who he is,or even knew who he was. But he knew he found me,and let the fate change the rest.

"Akaashi wait for me hahaha"

i lost him and he found me. Oh wow,a pathetic love story. And a begining of my present life. Couldn't be much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end i supposed to make in the first chapter. Which may lead you to a confusion,  
> So once again, Thank you for reading this. This is the last chapter of the whole fic. Hope you enjoy the happy ending of a reincarnation. See you soon ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my work! I hope you enjoyed it! well,there are many the fault in our star references here,start from the begining of how bokuto describe his own feelings for how soulmates work and at the end. any critics and review are apreciatted! and aside from that,if you found any typo's / grammar error please tell me about it. Once again thank you for reading!


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